I dated this guy once that I had been mesmerized with for months before he ever knew my name. We had been on a few dates and I was preparing for our next. It was supposed to be that date; the one where we finally had sex.
I went to Victoria’s Secret and bought my first ever matching bra and panty set for the momentous occasion. I shaved myself smooth only leaving a neat little landing strip. I even picked up a bottle of overpriced fruity lotion to make myself smell irresistible. I wanted everything to be perfect.
After the date we went back to his place. While he fixed us a drink, I went to his bedroom and stripped down to my sexy new skivvies. Foreplay commenced once our drinks were empty.
He had me hornier than I had ever been in my life. I was ready to work him like a part-time job. And…..he wasn’t able to get a boner. It was the most awkward, embarrassing, and self-esteem smashing time of my life.
I thought it was all my fault; and hated myself. In fact, I never showed my face to him again, despite his many attempts to see me after that happened.
Sound familiar to anyone? Now I know that I’m not the only one that has experienced that “Oh, God, let me dry up, turn green, and blow away” moment and that it happens; for reasons that had nothing to do with me.
So, what happened? Hard (or not) for me to say about my situation with him. I never saw him again to ask but there are many reasons that a guy can’t get an erection even when he has every reason to rise to the occasion, right in front of him.
Alcohol, recreational drugs, and some medications.
While it’s easy going down, alcohol isn’t his friend when he’s trying to get it up. Recreational drugs from heroin to pills; and even pot may keep him from getting a stiff dick.
Anti-depressants are known to affect libido and the ability to get an erection. They help make you happy in all other aspects of life, but can keep you depressed over your sex life.
Stress and exhaustion.
Stress and exhaustion can cause all kinds of damage to your health. Not being able to get hard is one of the many ways the effect of both can manifest itself in a man’s life.
Generalized anxiety should be included with stress and exhaustion. Performance anxiety is a common reason for the inability to pop a woody. Too much worry over his performance and gift of pleasing you can be a huge chub kill.
Relationship problems and thinking about someone/thing else.
Sex is about so much more than the physical body. The mind, thoughts and emotions, are involved as well. When they aren’t in the same place, focused on the same thing, sex sometimes doesn’t happen.
Watching porn and masturbating too much.
Is that even possible? Some say yes. Dopamine rushes through the brain while watching porn during masturbation. Over stimulation of the dopamine receptors can leave the brain less sensitive and not stimulate enough dopamine to trigger the receptors.
There are a whole host of health issues from heart problems to diabetes, which can result in a man not being able to get hard. If everything else can be ruled out; and his erectile issues are occurring often he needs to see a doctor.
I think back to that dreaded date from time to time with different feelings about it. I laugh because it probably had nothing to do with me and I blamed myself forever. I also feel lower than whale shit at how I handled it. There is no doubt that he felt as horrible about it as I did. I’m sure he was just as embarrassed. I wish I would’ve known then what I know now.
So I leave you with this….. If you ever find yourself in the same situation; laugh. Not at him but with him. It will relieve a lot of stress for both of you, which could be the very reason for the problem to begin with. Be as encouraging to him as you can; let him know it happens and it’s okay.
Don’t beat yourself up over it either. When you get home bust out the battery operated boyfriend; you know, the one who never leaves business unfinished.
I originally wrote this for livingloving.com.