We’ve all went through a breakup at some point in our lives. If you aren’t the one that has called it quits or if the breakup wasn’t something that was mutually agreed on, it can be a devastating blow. Some people get over the heartbreak and move on quickly, while there are others that aren’t able to as easily.
I’ve been in relationships where being dumped was one of the best things to ever happen to me; like a breath of fresh air after being in a smoky pool hall all night. I’ve also been in them where being curbed made me feel like my world was ending; that my heart had been ripped from my chest, stomped on, and drug a mile or two down a long country road.
Needless to say, I’ve learned a few things about surviving a breakup. I know what helps and what hurts. I hope that you can take something from this to help you mend your broken heart and come out stronger.
- Allow yourself to live in the moment.
People may tell you that it’s just a break up, not the end of the world, and that you should move on. You’re going through something drastic that will change how you live your life and it does feel like the end of the world. Allow yourself to experience that and sort through your feelings. A broken heart hurts like hell. It’s okay to cry; a good cry always makes us feel a little bit better. You may feel anger or depressed. Those emotions are okay too. When relationships end with ones we love, it can feel like a death. We go through a range of emotions, all of which are natural in the grieving process.
You will move on but not until you are ready; and no one besides yourself knows when that time will be.
- Cut off all contact with your ex.
Once the relationship is over and you have parted ways with your ex there is no reason to stay in contact with them. Return anything that you may have of theirs immediately after the breakup; do not hang onto something with the idea of returning it to them later, hoping to see them again. End it all at once. Hanging onto something only drags out your heartache. If there are children between the two of you, contact should only be about the things that pertain to them.
- NO PITY SEX.
If you were in a sexual relationship it was part of the relationship that your ex ended. If they don’t want all of you, don’t let them have any of you. While we are going through a time of heartache, our judgment tends to be clouded when it comes to sex and it gives us a sense of connectedness again. The best sex in the world has never mended a relationship. Yours will not be the first, I promise you. Masturbate if you need a release.
- Do not creep their social media pages.
We post so much of our personal lives on our social media pages. So, when someone wants to know what we’re up to, without having to ask, that’s the first place they look. Stay away from and out of your ex’s business. You’re only asking for more heartache when you go looking.
- Don’t lash out and be that “crazy ex”.
Once you get passed the hurt and the anger starts to set in, you may think about getting even with your ex for putting you through the hell that they have. It’s not worth it. They’ve broken up with you. Don’t give them any ammo to use against you; even if you feel like whatever you do to them would be justified. It isn’t and the last thing you want to hear is them telling you how glad they are that they made the decision to dump you because you’re a crazy bitch or an evil prick. Take a ball bat to that tree out in your back yard if you need to get some anger out of ya. Once you’ve moved on, you’ll be happy that you didn’t act out on your fantasy of slashing his tires or telling everyone that she slept with the football team. Besides, you want your ex to think that you’re fine without them. Seeking revenge lets them know that they are still on your mind.
- Don’t count yourself out.
Whatever you do, don’t count yourself out and think that you’ll never find anyone else because you will. This world is filled with people; and there is someone for everyone. All things happen for a reason and when they are supposed to. When you meet the person that is meant for you, you’ll realize that the heartbreak that you went through was just a blessing in disguise.
I originally wrote this for livingloving.com.